I was just finishing up washing my dishes, I took my fork and used it to pop out the Gatorade bottle top, my make-shift sink-stop, from the drain. I decided to write, and I figure I'd pour my heart out to who ever was willing to take it. I figure maybe you'll learn something about me. Hell, maybe I'll learn something about me. I want you to hear me in a calm voice in this blog.
As I washed my dishes, and cleaned my room, I spent the entire time thinking of cool quotes and movies, trying not to drift off into thoughts of the love-life I used to have, that seems to be completely non-existent these days, but needless to say, that's exactly where I drifted. I thought about how I'd love to have the opportunity to take someone to sit under the stars with me, and admire the stars for not only their beauty, but their mystery. Someone I could pour my heart out to and know that there was no song they'd rather be hearing than my horrible sense of humor. I imagined taking her to Italy, Germany, and Japan. I imagined my dream girl. And I've had dream girls before. Patricia, the girl who showed me that love has no limits except for the ones we apply. And one day I woke up and my train was moving and she was still at the station. Then there was Chaya. I blamed myself for everything that had gone wrong with us. She was my angel. And one day I called, the number I had so many times depended on for relief. And her new boyfriend picked up. Haha. So much for reigniting that flame.
I've spent so many nights trying to figure out where I stand with women. Usually in the back of the line. It's been about a day since I got over my last teenage love affair, and it's been about a year since that love affair ended. What have I learned in all this time? Well I've learned that "Be yourself" is actually not the worst cliche that you can hear. I've learned that unless you're a medic, the Army's male/female ratio is about 100 to 1, and it's single, 18 to 25 male to female ratio is about 100 to .5. I've learned that a broken heart isn't always the worst end result. I've learned that trusting movies, music and media to dictate your life will always be America's biggest mistake. I've learned that I love women, and all those little things you do. The hip drops. The eye rolls. The complicated, intricate process you take to get ready for anything. But alas (...alas?), Not all women share the same feelings about me. But hey, if we shared everything, then they would probably sell penicillin flavored skittles. I've finally learned to stop questioning fate so much. When you question fate, you never get the answers you want.
I think I've finally found myself. To be honest, I'm a pretty cool guy, so I'm relieved. I've realized that I'll always wear my heart on my sleeve. But that's no reason to walk around with my sleeves rolled up...
"Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight!/ For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night."
