Insanity...

"Insanity- doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
- Probably not Albert Einstein, and definitely not true...

Here's the truth. You do things over and over again because it just feels so much better to do them than to not. So the question arises. Is it bad for you? It doesn't matter if it's just not good for you, but is it bad for you? Is it literally poisoning you, either your mind, body or soul(heart)? I feel like I'm sitting on the edge of eternity, with no idea how or why I'm going to take this leap. But I have to, one way or another. I'd love to have some kind of idea of where this next step leads, but that's just not how it works. 
It's a question of faith, and effort. How much are you willing to put in? How much do you have? What do you do when you run out? 
I don't have the answers to these questions. If anyone did, half of the romantic comedies in the world would make even less sense than they already do. I have no wise words for you that will explain how to sort this one out or even make it simpler. Well, simpler than this-
You know the poison ones. They're the ones you would describe yourself as "addicted" to. Just stop. No matter how hard it is, just stop. They aren't and never will be good for you. And as for the other ones, that you are unsure about, you need to figure out if you're wondering if you're too good for them, or they're too good for you. And if they're to good for you, get better or get the fuck out and make room for someone better. If you're too good for them, they're what we call "Poison" and if you head back on up the blog, you'll see what we say about the poisonous ones. 

"I'm a lost dog chasing a rabbit. 

More like chasing my tail, 

some tail, 

a tale...

Truth is,

I'm at the tail end of this tale's end 

and I have no idea what that entails."

Sock Diaries... 9/14/2016

It's been a long time since I've been here.
It's past 4 A.M. and sleep still eludes me. I would love to say that anxiety is an understatement, but in the hyperbolic time I live in I'd rather just admit that it's the perfect word. I only learned it a short time ago, and it seems like I've had the opportunity to become very familiar with it, since. For some reason, I really want to use the word contentment right now. Not because it's in any way related to how I feel, but a lot of the words are coming to me in a very melodic tone, and for some reason I really needed to get it on the page.
Here I am again, at a crossroads, attempting to choose between two things, neither of which I feel like I had a choice in in the first place. I feel like a puppet of Fate. And not even one of Fate's favorite puppets. I'm the one Fate looks for when it needs a background character to die so that one of the better puppets can come to a shocking realization about how good or evil they are. I don't even feel like the hero in my own story. Like for some reason, my name is on the front, but I'm just meant to be someone's sidekick. I'm rambling. It makes it so much easier for me to avoid looking my problems in face. I have to take a leap. And there's a chance that my parachute isn't even there, and I won't be able to find that out until I'm already in the air.
These metaphors are sloppy. I drove 11 hours straight today, and felt the sweet caress of sleepiness over my eyes as I entered my apartment. But my mind is running faster than sleep can keep up. It's been this way for weeks. What do responsible adults do in this situation? I bet the answer is drugs. Whether it's processed by a guy in a lab coat, or a guy in a meth lab, or grown in someone's locker. That's not me. I need to take this hit to the face and just hope I don't cry in front of people... too much...