Women: Snipers of the Subconscious...

Hey fellas. You ever been so hot for your girl that you just couldn't take it, and then she "innocently" decides to string together a series of sounds to make words to make a sentence that not only pops that pants baloon you've got going, but also lets the air out of your ego tires and shatters the illusion that she sticks around when you're annoying because you're the best thing since sliced bread met butter, but instead, it's simply because she loves you? (much less flattering...)
If that has happened to you, fret not, it's usually a side effect of being a male, and being heterosexual. 
We as men tend to have a Death Star-like weak point for women. We put our confidence and the measure of our self-esteem in their  hands, and that's basically the holomap from Star Wars that will lead the rebels right into the narrow path to our destruction from the inside.
Women have known about this weakness since Helen got Troy demolished and her husband and mistress murdered all for the sake of a fling. They've known about this since Eve convinced Adam to disobey God, even though, according to the Bible: A) She was already naked; and 2) Adam LITERALLY talked directly to God all the time. (In Adam's defense, God did hook him up with her. Way to let a bro down, God.)
The point is, women are dangerous, because men are slightly retarded when it comes to vagina. In fairness, it's not our fault. If you've ever had the opportunity (misfortune?) to see a vagina up close, and have the pressure on your head (innuendo) to have to please a woman while you're there, it's like trying to defuse a bomb with your tongue... or hand or fingers, or a small bomb defusing robot that you designed out of fear of the Al Quaedien nightmares you've been having since you watched Hurt Locker that one time.
But vagina bombs are neither here nor there. The fact of the matter is, we are in danger. We allow women to get into our heads, and set up perches at the edge of our sub-conscious. Women are highly trained snipers. They were trained to take down your defenses from afar, before you know what's happening, and then move into your headquarters and start controlling homebase.
Okay. No more metaphors. What I'm trying to say is that women will get in your head, and subtly control your thoughts and emotions. (I seriously thought that would make this whole thing sound a little simpler...) They say small things and it ends up making you feel like she somehow made that entire day that you fought a lion to get into a burning building and save those orphan babies and that expecting mother never even happened.
"Yeah, my ex-boyfriend wanted to be a celebrity. He started doing movies, but he just ended up doing porn. I'm not surprised."
Or...
"I don't really understand why women are always so stressed about guys with big penises. I've been with a guy with a big penis before, and it wasn't really all that. I'm perfectly happy with you."
(Think about it...) Or...
"Are you done already?"

These are the little bullets that take out Generals. There's no way to avoid these things. Now before you give up and decide to kiss your ass goodbye, I just wanna tell you, it get's better. I'd love to tell you that they eventually stop being such terrible creatures. No. What happens, is eventually you learn how to convince yourself that her ex-boyfriend probably had a super penis, or that she's probably a prostitute on her spare time. Or something like that. There's no real happy ending.

The Relationship Equation: Pt. 2

1+1=2.5
You want to know what I have less of when I'm in a relationship? MONEY!
Badum-CHH!
Sorry, I've been away for awhile. I'm trying to get back into the groove of this. Anyway, I spent the past hour and some change talking to a woman with a boyfriend who's has been spending all of her money and can't even find the time to compliment her, let alone pay her back. He hasn't shown any kind of appreciation for everything she's done for him and she's getting pretty tired of it.
"Why are you still with him, then?" I asked.
"Because I love him." She replied.
I laughed. Because it was funny.
The reason I laughed was not the girl's misfortune, but the fact that she felt that "I love him." was good enough to be the only reason to stay with someone who makes you miserable and is literally hindering your ability to better yourself. There are plenty of reasons for that. Marriage, kids, money, sex, blackmail, votes for a spot in the democratic primaries, chance of being murdered in the event of a break-up or divorce because you got with the daughter of a cartel boss, and are now very certain that she might be as crazy as her head-machete-ing mother, or finger-mailing father.
Love is definitely not on that list. The reason being that you can love someone you're not in a relationship with. Second part of the relationship equation is:
1+1=2.5

How is that possible? I'll explain.

"1" in the equation, is the equivalent of you at your best. The other "1"in the equation is the equivalent of your relationship counterpart. People in a relationship should BOTH be better people when they are together, than when they are apart. Sure, separately you should be two separate Good people. But together, you should be two Great people. Hence how "1" comes together with "1" to equal something more.
It's not possible for two people to have a healthy relationship, when "1" is required to be "1.5", because they're getting together with a ".5" and they need to try to get the relationship up to par.
You can't give 150% everyday without getting anything back. Sure you can be a 1+1=2 kind of person, but that means that you're no different apart than you are together, and it usually doesn't take long before you realize that and end up having sex with the hot cashier chick. Until you realize that she wasn't that sexy, you were just horny and bored with life. And when you confess to your girlfriend, she doesn't care one way or another, and you guys break up without even counting that experience as an actual relationship.
Look, I'm not saying love isn't a good enough reason to continue a relationship. I'm just saying that love shouldn't be the reason you continue this symbiotic relationship with the life-leech you happened to fall in love with, because down that path, you find yourself working for this "in-between jobs" giant baby, who somehow convinced you to have children, and now you have three actual babies, and you spent your prime spouse finding years hoping that this Giant Baby you nurtured would learn how to walk on it's own giant two feet, and it didn't. It used you as a crutch. And now you're this old, twisted, Disney witch-looking creature in need of an extreme makeover and a boob job. But you did it all for love...