I guess now is as good a time as any to start this again. After the past two days I've had, I had to take a moment to wonder where the fuck I am in life. I'm a recruiter now. I don't like it. I have to go out and convince people to make smart decisions. I don't have the patience for it. I'd rather be overseas. Anyway, that's not what got me back here. I'm back here, doing this because of La Diabla. I was talking to two women. One, a great friend, and potentially more, but miles away, and another, a mind-cloudingly beautiful woman, who I'm sure could drive men insane, right here. Things fizzled out between me and the friend when she came close, but hopefully we'll remain friends. The crazy thing, was the beautiful girl. La Diabla. She was so smart. So sexy. So manipulative. I payed attention to everything she did and said. Red flags raised at every word she spoke, until I saw her. All alarms were silenced the second she came close. As defensive and conscious of myself as I am, she could make it past all of that with a look.
"Something is wrong..." I would think to myself.
"Nothing is wrong. I'm here." She would say. And that was that. She had what she wanted. Until she was caught. Red-handed. All of the evidence was there. I wasn't her only victim. Turned out I was only collateral. He was the real target. The other guy. The guy I knew was there. And I was sent on my way, after she realized that even though he now knew everything, that he would go back, but I wouldn't. So I was left there. "Dick in my hand, looking like an asshole." The prediction I had made so many times before. But the funny thing is, I wasn't mad at her. I wasn't even mad at myself. It played out the way that I knew it would. The thing that bothers me is that now, there's no one filling in the void. She was there because, not only was she in my head, I let her in because I was lonely. But here I am back at square one.
I have people who love me, this I know. But here I am alone again, far from home, and family and friends. The way things played out with La Diabla were... strange. But she's not my concern. I sometimes fooled myself into thinking that maybe she was my chance to love through more than just a telephone. It wasn't love. But I like to tell myself that you don't get into a relationship without at least hoping you'll get around to it.
But now I'm here alone again. That's all that sucks about it. I'm still such a romantic at heart I think. But man, this porn is getting old...
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