Unimportance isn't a word. Whatever.
So lately I've played the "Other Guy" to a few relationships for a few girls. It was just fun. Everything was so visceral and animalistic that I got to do and express things in the bedroom that I never had a chance to before, or that I hadn't in a long time. It was all about sex and it was phenomenal. At first.
Then, reality set in. I got a text from one of them that said,
"He knows. We can't communicate anymore. I'm sorry."
...
And that was that. Suddenly reality struck me and I felt horrible. I hid behind the notion of, "What he doesn't know won't hurt him. We're just two consenting adults having fun... blah blah blah." And then I got that text and it became real. I was destroying a relationship for no real reason at all. And for the third time, I was left there, alone, while she chose him. The one she had a real connection with, and I was as disconnected as I could be. It was an easy decision. It was just sex. She would cry tears for him, and plead his forgiveness, but to me it was just... "We can't communicate anymore."
That easy. They all chose their respective "him" over me in the end, and here I am, just realizing that essentially, I have/had nothing. It's done. He knows.
It sucks. I know I don't have much room to complain. I knew what I was doing was wrong and don't really deserve to be on the winning end of any situation. I didn't offer much needed emotional support in a time of need. I didn't offer an escape and a moment of safety in an abusive relationship. I was no hero. I was just a guy who it looked appealing to hook up with in a moment of weakness. Essentially, I was nothing. And it sucks. It hurts to realize that you were nothing compared to someone else. So I'm done. I'm done interfering in relationships. I'm done offering an escape to something/someone that doesn't warrant escape. I'm going to build my own house to live in. And hope to high heaven I don't get what I deserve.
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