Where am I, at this point? Ugh. I never know. I'm trying to get my head on straight for work, and girls off of my mind. It's not so easy when you spend most of your waking life thinking about them. But it's definitely not what I need right now. I blame social media. For two reasons, really. First, it's such easy access to only the best parts of other people's lives. The polished, perfectly lit, sepia-toned, smiles-only part. And you feel left out. The second reason is... I can't really blame myself, can I? Of course I can but I don't want to.
I'm not sad, or depressed. Or anything much. But lost. Shit... where do I go next? I apologize for not presenting you with the depraved drama that the Sock Diaries are usually so good about containing, but everything that's happened to me lately has seemed so inconsequential. There was someone in my life that I cared about, who is no longer there, but I can't bring myself to believe that I care all that much. My life has always been easier and more drama-free without them, so honestly, them being there and the fun and satisfaction that I get from their presence was always shadowed by arguments and frustration, and a lowered self-esteem and overall self-worth. With them gone, those high highs and low lows are gone, but being back on level ground isn't as bad as I made it seem before. I got some girls' numbers that all eventually went nowhere. It doesn't bother me, we didn't really hit it off, they were likely just strained relationships waiting to be shoddily and hastily built and ready to fall apart. Not what I'm looking for. The only downside is probably the lack of anyone at all to be there with me. Friend or otherwise. It's all social media conversations and phone calls. I go out alone, eat alone, drink alone, laugh alone. It's something that I knew very well a long time ago, but a condition I dreamed to escape. The loneliness isn't what bothers me. It's that I don't know what one does with solitude. What do I do? Where am I, at this point?
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