Sock Diaries: 2/12/2013

I was just lying here in bed, and a question popped into my head that genuinely refused to allow me to sleep without getting to the bottom of it...
"Why don't I find women genuinely appealing anymore?"
Now I know what you're probably thinking, but cut that shit out. What I actually mean by that question is: Why is it that I can find women sexy, but none of the women I've encountered have actually caught my attention and made me want her more than any of the others?
I ran the question through my mind over and over again and analyzed it from different angles. My initial response was that I don't want a relationship. Women are awesome, and I can run into the most perfect woman ever, and still not want to be in a relationship with her at this point. But I also thought to myself, that's a load of bullshit in a basket. I'm heading to Honduras. Central America. Where the women there are programmed to be perfect housewives, and genetically engineered to make you give them that position, like it or not. They're the women than unwilling men fall in love with. And I thought to myself, what if all of that king-like treatment appeals to my softer side, and I find myself trapped in love with one of these women, and I'm on my way out of the country, with no way to keep her, but to marry her and bring her with me?
How could I avoid that? If I was truly in love, could I tell myself "No, I'm not ready"? Could I tell her?
But I thought again, it would have to be much more than just some back rubs and catering. In order for me to fall in love again, this woman would have to be special. Very special...
So I had to figure out what it was that one woman could have over every other woman I've encountered and either had sex with or was potentially going to have sex with. And I realized what that one thing was.
An intellectual connection.
I can have a physical and emotional connection with tons of women, but until I have that intellectual connection... they'll all just fade into the background. It's been so long since I've heard a girl/woman say something so profound that it made me sit and think. Or something so clever I couldn't do anything but smile. No, I'm swimming in a sea of shallow conversations (I see the oxymoron there...) and pointless banter. I see the appeal of the ditzy girl, and yes, it's cute that some girls say silly things... a lot. And some girls think themselves to be smart, and use their "superior" intellect to play silly mind games, but they're not really on the same level, for one, they're immature, and two, they're only slightly smarter than the ditzy ones, but not even worth trying to hold a decent conversation with.
It's going to be a long time before I find that one. I don't really mind. Too much fun to be had to get hung up on my new found concept of a dream girl... isn't there?