Setting the Stage...

First impressions are key. When in the business of women, it's important to always make a good impression, because with some women, if you blow the first one, you will never see the second one. Even beyond just trying to get a girl is the concept of setting the stage for how the relationship is going to go. If you're opening doors and buying her ticket, then she's going to expect that from you. If you set the tone, (as I do) that you're broke, then she will expect it from you. Some women won't go for that kind of guy. Don't worry about them. The closest they're going to get to a meaningful, lasting relationship is going to be the day their meth addiction drives them to meet A Pimp Named Slickback.
Now one thing is for certain, though you can't literally have two first impressions, you won't always be completely buried by a bad one. Surprisingly enough, most women aren't as shallow as men are. Of course, most women are shallow, about 99.9 percent of women are shallow, but men are actually worse in most circumstances. Women mainly go after strength, emotional or physical. If you have the swag of a king, most women can't resist. That's why you see those situations where there's an ugly guy with a fine girl. Or she might have the self esteem of a suicide patient.
What needs to be understood, is that with women, you have plenty of opportunities to set the stage right. That's almost the best thing. But, of course, not all women are the same. You don't have forever to make her stop thinking you're an ass of an ass with the brain of an ass. Or even for her to understand that you're not made of money. The first thing that I do, personally, with setting the stage with girls, is let it be known, that I am BROKE. Yes BROKE. With all capital letters. This is my own personal tactic of weeding out all of the gold diggin, I-want-a-baller-type women. Now I do this for two reasons. The first, is because I actually am BROKE. There's no way I'm supporting any I-want-a-baller chick with what I get(as of the summer of 09, that's about $20 a month). The second reason is that gold diggers tend to carry other undesirable traits and requests, like the expectation of chivalry.
I understand what you might be thinking. Why would chivalry be a bad thing? Now here's the deal. Chivalry entails that I sacrifice certain things for my girl. I can do this. But I will grow into wanting to do these things when I'm ready. From the beginning, you get your time. and maybe I'll open a few doors. I'm not going to go out of my way to give you my last little bit. I expect you to come out the house with enough money to pay for your own damn movie if you want to go. There's no preset rule that I'll be paying your way, and there's definitely none of that pouty face, can you buy me this crap.
Anyway, that's enough about me. Back to the topic at hand. The impression you make when beginning any relationship is very important. It can be the precursor to a lot of future events. The smartest thing you can do when making a first impression with anyone, is be yourself, that way they won't expect anything from you that you can't, or won't deliver. Unless you're a serial killer. Then you should probably try to be someone else. Like a sane person.

The Great Mind Game...

The entire social order these days is one big mind game. From trying to get a date to trying to get a job. Everybody's a conman. You can hardly ever let down your poker face when talking to people.
To be honest, I have no idea how to play poker. I also have a horrible poker face in my opinion. I usually don't lie to people. Especially in games. I have never been in the habit of lying, or pretending. But when it comes to relationships, that's where you can get the most practice. Whether it's trying to get a girl, or trying to keep one. 9 times out of 10, you have to keep up a charade.
A good amount of the Poker Game, like any poker game, is pretending you have more, MUCH more, when you have less, or that you have less, when you actually have more. Take the whole big penis thing guys do. It's usually a bluff. Some women actually go for things like that. Guys have to bluff about How much money they have, how good they are at sex, their job, how many kids they have, or how many bodies they've stuffed into the trunk of their car.
Anyway, some women enjoy ( a little too much) being lied to. I don't know why exactly, but I have theories. I mean sometimes lying makes sense, sometimes it's completely uncalled for. Like "Baby that smell was just me working out, and the window was open because it was hot. And that lady runnin away from the window... was bringing me some food..." Those lies can save a marriage.
"Honey, that was your sister. She should be here again tomorrow about 15 minutes after you leave for work." That would be the end to that marriage right there. Women can lie and say they can respect an honest man like that. No. They can't. Most women would probably cut his balls off while he's sleep.
Sometimes, the poker face isn't just for lying to your significant other. Sometimes you need to just stick something out. I'm a naturally impatient person. I don't think I could calculate exactly how many chances I've thrown with girls because of my lack of patience. I've said time and time again, timing is key.
In this day and age, you have to play a mind game with a friend for a couple of Skittles. The greatest natural mind game players are women. This is why their friendships are so feeble, and you can get more gossip from your wife than you can get sex. Most women are always ready to fight with words, and never go unequipped.
But let's be honest. If I wanted to play mind games then I would buy a Rubik's Cube. They don't usually yell if you decide to kiss it right after a long stint of aggressive treatment. Plus, the payout of a Rubik's Cube is amazing. You can never feel unsatisfied after spending weeks with a Rubik's Cube. Doesn't nag, doesn't get jealous, and it's always there to spend time with you. It may not laugh at your jokes, but you just can't have it all, and at least it doesn't make fun of you for not being funny. Women on the other hand, will get deeper into your brain than any surgeon ever could.
I think I'm gonna buy a Rubik's Cube.

You're as beautiful as the day I met you...

The Little Green-Eyed Monster....

Jealousy is an emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, such as a relationship, friendship, or love. Jealousy often consists of a combination of emotions such as anger, sadness, and disgust. Jealousy differs from envy in that jealousy is about something one has and is afraid of losing, while envy refers to something one does not have and either wants to acquire or to prevent another from acquiring.
-Wikipedia.org

Is there any reason it's called the green-eyed monster? I don't really know why. William Shakespeare often wrote about jealousy. I don't really like Shakespeare so that reference isn't going anywhere. Nonetheless, (<--- a="" afraid="" an="" base="" because="" br="" concept.="" concept="" else="" from="" fun="" get="" happens="" interesting="" is="" it="" jealousy.="" losing="" many="" might="" of="" on="" one="" person="" plots="" s="" someone="" something="" starts.="" stories="" that="" the="" their="" them="" to="" want="" well="" what="" when="" why="" word="" writers="">The plain fact is, people do dumb stuff when they're jealous. Sometimes it's actually pretty funny.
The most common kind of jealousy, is in relationships, (that isn't actually a researched fact, but it's probably true) followed closely by money(again, completely made up). Most people can't stand to be outdone in a relationship. This makes sense. People like being in relationships because they can be loved for who they are and be completely comfortable. No competition because they've already won. The last thing you want to do is compete for something that's supposed to be rightfully yours.
But, ALAS! Sometimes there may be a call for you to stand up and fight for your girl or guy. But just because there's a call doesn't mean you have to answer it. People are funny in that way. They don't think things out completely very often. Being naturally territorial, it's not uncommon for us to get angry at seeing our significant other getting a little close to someone else.
But let's get serious. GET THE HELL OVER IT. Men/boys can get a little funny acting for their girls. I don't want anybody saying this to my girl, and I don't want anybody doing this around my girl. Grow the hell up, man. You have to learn to trust women to be able to carry themselves. If a girl cheats on you, it's her decision, to do what she does. You want a woman who can carry herself, instead of a girl who is ready to flip flop on you in a heartbeat. She's not the type of person worth fighting for.
Have you ever heard someone say "It's not that I don't trust you, I just don't trust them." BULLLLLSHIT. The only way that phrase makes any sense is if they think you're going to get raped. If they don't think you're going to get raped, what do they expect to happen? It IS that they don't trust you. People have a big problem getting over themselves. A lot of people are just too insecure with themselves to feel like they've done everything right.
To be honest, Girls and Guys all can get a little funny when it comes to their own. Sometimes, it shows how much they care. Sometimes it shows how damn crazy they are. But either way, the one missing ingredient is trust.

How to Take a Girl...

First of all, before I even get into the blog, I will say this: You cannot take a guy's girl, you can only persuade her to leave. Women aren't toys or dogs that you can take and give as you please. They can make decisions for themselves these days.
Now this subject is very touchy for some women, and therefore, I will say stop reading now if this offends you. Go ahead. Read one of my other blogs. We'll wait...


Alrighty then back to business. The key to persuading a girl to leave or at least cheat on her boyfriend is to be unbelievably charming. So damn charming it doesn't make any sense. Being in her situation, her guard will be high in areas, and low in others. Most girls get in relationships and are completely comfortable with guys flirting with them because as soon as he's ready to get down to business, "I have a boyfriend." I mean some girls are genuinely faithful. They honestly won't cheat on their boyfriend. You will be wasting the hell out of your time. On the other hand, some girls are just waiting for the right opportunity to cheat. It's like a lottery. You just have to be lucky enough to be around when her faith is weak. For the ultimate test to see if you can get a girl to cheat with you, it's almost the same as pulling any other kind of move on a girl. You have to be smooth, subtle, and tempting. Put on your seduction look, get in a little close. At any time, pulling a move on a girl is like surgery. Timing, accuracy steadiness. These are ALL key. Especially if she's not the type to cheat on a regular basis. If anything snaps her out of her hormonal trance, you can call it a day, maybe tomorrow will bring better luck.
It's vital that you stay in control. Control your hormones, despite the fact that they might scream in your ears every time she looks at you. You have to be THE MAN. If you stay in control the entire time, you have the ability to outshine her boyfriend. You can exhibit confidence and swag like she's never seen in her boyfriend. The first time she cheats with you, you have to make things extremely tough for her to resist. I am NOT talking about rape. What I AM talking about is that you have to make her hormones jump until you can taste them coming out of her mouth. Pleasing women usually isn't about being very good at what you do, it's usually about making it seem like it. Stroke her hair, kiss her slowly, find her spot and work it. Confidence here is more important than it has ever been. You have to convince her that she just cannot control herself around you. The more time she spends with you, the more you need to learn about what makes her randy baby.
Now I will not condone you interfering with someone's relationship, but if you absolutely must, do it right, and don't get in too deep. This business with girls is the most unpredictable yet. She could have a sudden change of heart about the whole thing, she could suddenly get too paranoid to carry on with the whole ordeal or any other one of the plenty reasons that may come up to make her want to stop. Your best bet is just don't get too attached. Your best bet, but the one I can guarantee you'll ignore, get out while the gettin's good. Leave her wanting more and chances are, you'll be the first thing on her mind when she's back on the market.

Your Type...

"Guys are assholes." A lot of women say this. A lot of lesbians say this. You know whats funny about this statement? A good chunk of the time, based on their experience, this statement can be proved true. They've only dated guys that are assholes. They can't seem to sift through the crap and find something worth something. I have the answer you're looking for darling. You want to know why you can't find a decent man. The reason is because you're not dating them. Now I know some of you are going to go, "Well DUH!" to which I will reply "THEN WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM YOU ASS?"
My question is, if you know you're only dating asses, why are you still dating asses? It's not every guy's fault that you have bad taste in men. There is usually someone out there who you have either put in the friendzone, or completely overlooked. That one guy who would give his left nut for you to give him a chance to be with you. But no. You stick with the same formula. You go after the same kind of guy and hope that this one is different. Some of you even BELIEVE that you've dated different guys. Chances are, that's a lie. All you've dated are asses.

"Well I dated this one guy, he was nice, but I cheated on him."

... I'm not going to respond to that.

To be honest. I'm encouraging you, when that relationship you're in INEVITABLY fails, date an ugly guy. Hang around him, get used to the idea and get in. See what great surprises you have in store for him. Be warned though. There are some ugly guys out there with no balls. I have nothing to say for or about that. Just avoid it while they get themselves together.

"I've dated an ugly dude before, he cheated on me too."

Well I can explain this situation easily. Either, A. He wasn't ugly and you just have ridiculously high standards or B. You're ugly and just in denial, or C. Someone REALLY doesn't like you.

"I've dated an ugly dude and he was bullshit."

What? You should have known that was coming before you got into a relationship with him.

"I'm dating a handsome guy and things between me and him are great."

Shut the hell up.

I have to admit, being the ugly man in the group, (it's my job, someone has to do it, and if there are no ugly people in your group, then you're upsetting the balance of nature and you're the reason bad things happen...) I have friends that aren't ugly that do right by their women. Actually, just about none of my friends cheat on their girlfriends. Then again we are a special group. We're the reason good things happen. Like when you find a hundred dollar bill. It was our luck that made it drift away from us into your direction. Big responsibility, I know.

To sum things up, I would have to say, it's not our fault that you only date jack asses. And not all men/boys are jack asses. You're the one that doesn't know how to pick 'em. It's time for a change in pace.

My Type...

Well I've said a lot about what to expect in girls in my blog. But I have also stated, REPEATEDLY, that you shouldn't expect every girl to be the same and follow the same pattern. (Even though you could, just don't be surprised when one girl doesn't follow your trends...)
Well in this post, I'm going to talk about my type, or more or less my perfect girl. I don't really have much of a type. A fantasy girl, though, I definitely have. My fantasy girl has to have a little cuteness to her. Cuteness level at like... 5 out of ten. I could settle for a 4. I mean cute in the face with little tendencies to do things girly sometimes, not that talk like a baby shit. That whole "I ha some?" THAT SHIT IS FUCKING ANNOYING. I fantasize about killing girls when they do that. Seriously. I fantasize about different ways to end their life. It's usually something quick like a gunshot to the head, but sometimes it's something like shooting them with a Spartan Lazer, shooting them in different body parts with a 50 caliber sniper rifle, or maybe one shot to the chest with a Desert Eagle.
But I digress. We're talking about My dream girl. Well, there's cute, and there's also alive. I mean I don't want a stupidly skinny, like you eat once a month kind of girl. I'd like some meat on my lady. But I DON'T WANT NO WHALE WOMAN. seriously, if you're part whale, and part woman, get that checked out and pick a side.
Just kidding, but seriously, not too big, not too small, but I mean just a little chubby would be great.
So, cute, a little chubby, and after that I would like, maybe, a large portion of one or the other in proportions, you know, a little booty, big boobs, or vice versa. Maybe even a decent balance there, C cups and a little cushion. I mean having it all may be nice, but I don't like to try to figure out where I should start enjoying myself. Besides, there's only so much to do with boobs and backside so... it's not that important to me.
That's about all I ask for in looks. One thing I ask is that she not be dirty. I mean I'm not the most sanitary guy living in a house, but girls, you have all types of mysterious chemicals mixing down there, it's dangerous.
My dream girl would also have a little intelligence. Just enough not to be a damn idiot, and decently smart enough to have a conversation with every once in a while. Even a decent argument.
Another aspect of my perfect girl, and the most crucial, is that I want to be catered to. I would like to feel like I'm the head of the relationship. I mean I wouldn't be disrespectful, but I want to feel like I'm the man. I would like to be able to sit back and relax while being brought kool aid and a sandwich. That's like heaven for me. Feeling empowered and spoiled. Just maxing and relaxing.
The final thing is that I would like a lot of attention. Like an on call thing. I may not be asking for attention 24-7 but when I do I want to be able to have it ASAP.
This is my dream girl. A cute, decent sized girl, who caters to my whims and...
OH MY GOD I almost forgot one IMPORTANT thing to this fantasy. She HAS TO have a decent sexual appetite. AND NO- ABSOLUTELY NOOOOO abstinence, chastity or celibacy. She can't go telling me she want it so bad but if only if only she wasn't waiting for marriage. No. I would say get the fuck out of my fantasy.
Now let me sum all this up.
My dream girl would be a cute, decent-sized girl, with a decent intelligence, who caters to my whims and has no problems having sex (with me).
Simple enough right?

Estrogen- Nature's Unstable Chemical...

Girls have been a mystery since the beginning of... my life. I don't know what the rest of the world was doing before I was born, but to this day they still bewilder me at times. Periods, menopause, OB/Gyns, (what the hell, right?). I can honestly say that I have just about no idea what's going on with the female psyche...
As an example, I'll go over a couple of the types of girls I have been with before.
There was supportive and needy, but distant yet eager to please...
Strong-willed and distant, but supportive and caring...
There was completely naive, but/therefore open minded...
There was stubborn but confused, with a deeply buried caring side...
There was cheating whore...
There was too sexy for me and eventually realized it...
There was too timid for me and eventually realized it...
There was too mature for me and eventually realized it (who was also too crazy for me and eventually realized it)

I've been in a couple relationships and seen my fair share of egos, and my final diagnosis
(oh and too lesbian for me and realized it...)
is that estrogen is an unstable chemical and thats why women are so crazy. It's kinda like God was up there mixing together the concoction for estrogen, Jesus walked in like "That needs to be done in 5 minutes, dad." and God said,
"There is no way this is gonna be ready in 5 minutes, can we make it an hour?"
and Jesus was like "No dad it's time to get it in the field, done or not."
To which, God made a concerned face and put it inside of women every where.

Or something like that. But I mean he got some things right. Boobs are nice. Everybody likes boobs. They're soft, they're comfortable, and they're free (most of the time). Not much more you can ask for there. you get a lot of other perks when estrogen kicks in, like how the hips get wider, (love a little curve, more the merrier.... unless you look like a whale. That's ridiculous. Lose some weight.)
Another perk is that the fat distribution in women is higher than in men. Now some ladies see this as a bad thing. This is a great thing. A lot of men like their women to be soft and cuddly. Warm and welcoming. Soft, tender arms to lay in (again, if you look like a whale, that's disgusting and no one wants to die being suffocated in your flubber. Lose some damn weight.)
But there are a lot of downsides to the estrogenized condition. Like how girls have mood swings when there is too much estrogen flowing. When testosterone can keep a guy upbeat and flowing with energy. Estrogen can also cause stuff like hot flashes, swings in appetite, and negative changes in behavior. I have never seen a good emotional effect of estrogen on a girl/woman. Wait... that's wrong. I have seen girls get horny from that... Only bonus.
It seems to me like estrogen wasn't ready to leave the lab yet. I mean, testosterone can bring more muscle tone, strength, and energy. Things men usually need. Estrogen seems like it causes A LOT of problems...
Estrogen is like women themselves. Brings so much goodness, but so much torture.

"Women. They may smell nice, but they're soul murderers."


P.S.
I apologize to all the whale women out there, I'm sure you look beautiful as you are, and the blubber probably keeps you comfortably warm when you dive deep in the Pacific you big bitch....

P.P.S.
I am so sorry. That didn't come out right. I did not mean to call you a big bitch. No one is a bitch here. Unless you're actually a female dog. Then I would like to meet you and find out how you learned to read...

The Meaning of Life Pt 2- My Little Evolutionary Theory...

In the beginning... This statement is one that has scientists and theorists locked in a long lasting deliberation over what it is really talking about. What happened "in the beginning"? Tough question, many answers are put up to try to lay this question to rest. There are two areas that are put against each other in theory: Religion and Science. Many people believe one theory HAS to outweigh the other and they can't coincide in anyway. Well I thought on these things myself and tried to see if one couldn't fit into the other in some way. Now the following theory is no where near complete enough to go founding a religion on or taking to some science convention, but, I have based my guesses on certain well known theories. One main theory would be Georges Lemaître's Big Bang theory. This theory, in short, suggests that the universe was once a large hot mass, nothing like what your dirty mind is imagining right now, and then one day the mass exploded(keep your dirty jokes to yourself). Now, (also in short) after this event, atoms and all that other stuff that was floating around space stabilized a little, calmed down, and started settling. I summed this up as unstable atoms in the universe, going around, stealing electrons and getting their electrons stolen, pairing up and forming molecules, and all basically trying to find their electronic stability.
This is where my theory would kick in. First, if everything was one giant mass that hadn't exploded for forever, why would it explode? Secondly, if the atoms were just bumping around, randomly stealing charges and trying to find neutrality, why would they suddenly start working in patterns, forming cells and organisms. Where would the intelligence come from for atoms to start thinking, coming up with partnerships and systems for them all to work in in order to find that neutrality.
My theory is that there has to be some higher intelligence or power that is not acknowledged in any scientific theory proposed. This sentience could even be inside of the atom itself. The atom could be thinking and seeing and hearing.... Or maybe one of the religions already established are right....
Nobody really knows. The best answer for this whole thing is probably this:
No one knows. No one living will ever know in their life, and it doesn't really matter, so live for now, and not a billion years ago...

The Meaning of Life Pt 1.-the Rise and Fall of the Relationship

Relationships these days are like a dime/12 dozen. More people get out of relationships everyday than get into them these days. So the main question is, why are people failing so badly at relationships? Why are you failing so badly at relationships? Are you gay? Are you really not gay but thought you were? What is the key to making a relationship work? The answer is 42.
No the answer isn't 42, that wouldn't help at all. The real answer is very simple. Relationships as they are today weren't meant to happen. Naturally, relationships between men and women were meant to be for sex. Yup. Just sex. For the purpose of procreation of course. Protect the child, feed the family, raise the child. This is the role of the parents. The HomoSapien roles were as such- Men: hunt; Women: cook and ween the children. Natural order. Made sense. Every Job was taken care of and there were no arguments about whether or not the mother should start going out to hunt instead of the father, or whether or not the cave was clean when the father got home. No complaining about how hard their jobs were. it was a job. They had to do it. These relationships ran until death did they part. Clean, satisfying and efficient.
Now I'll add each ingredient that led to the downfall of these simple efficient relationships.
First of these ingredients would be the added power of communication. Sure these days this may be the backbone of every "good" relationship, but this was the end of simple things for Mr. and Mrs. Sapien. Talking allows for added room to complain. But luckily there still wasn't that much to complain about, every one was still too busy to have time to complain.
Next you have advancements in commodities and things that just make life a little bit easier. Here is around the time where scientists add another to the name Homo Sapien, mainly for good measure and to be able to tell the difference between us and the "savage" Mr. and Mrs. Sapien.
Mr. and Mrs. SapienSapien begin to build a relationship of their own. This one is no where near as stable as that of their predecessors. Now they live in villages, places safe and separate of things that my hurt the young ones, (other than other HomoSapien Sapiens). The mother has nothing to do but cook and clean, no predators to fight off, and the man isn't even hunting anymore, he's doing something.... else. No longer does he have the hassle of dragging his prey home, trying to fend off the other wild animals trying to get a piece of his daily catch, now he has time to think and wander, in mind body soul, and most importantly, eye. He sees oppurtunities he hadn't had the time to think about, let alone pursue before. Now I can take this three ways, but I'll take them one at a time.
First I will talk about the third thing that destroyed relationships, which is time to explore sex. That includes everything from oral sex to anal sex, to handjobs and footjobs.... and yes this covers being homosexual or GAY. NO IT'S NOT NATURAL. Just because a male dolphin would fuck another male dolphin in what ever way that would work, doesn't mean it's natural for you to have sex with a man, some birds may be born with two heads every once in a while, it doesn't mean it's natural. THAT IS HIGHLY UNNATURAL. What IS natural is having a sexual preference, whether your preference is male or female. But before I progress any further, I will clarify something. Being homosexual IS A CHOICE. Or not. What you have to take into account is where a person is deemed gay. Is it when they figure out that their preference isn't for the conventional affair, or is it when they give in and chase that affair. You DO NOT choose your preference, you DO choose to pursue it. That said, I will continue. With this newfound wandering eye, Man thinks to pursue it. It's in his nature. Nothing ever told him not to before. He never had time. Then jealousy, paranoia and all other types of crap get wrapped up in here.
Second is another thing newly embraced by man and woman, and thats pride. Sure pride was a big thing before, but now thats all some men lived for. So they take what they wish, including women, and the old ways of courtship, shattered to pieces. Might as well return these huge berries.
Greed is another thing men and women were allowed to embrace. Women marrying for money, men chasing money and killing for it, relationships forming and falling apart over materials and money.
Suddenly people aren't happy in their relationships and are deciding that they can just leave. And why not? Nothing is really keeping them together. Later in history, women feel like they should reverse the role. Some do, some don't, some wait and some do later on in the timeline. Women want to work, who's taking care of the children? who's cooking? Well in some relationships, the system of sharing this kind of work can work well. In some, it utterly fails.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm all for women in the workplace, but in my measly opinion, someone needs to have the house work all to themselves. it's an important job. Now it can't be blamed all on one gender why the system of relationships failed. Men and women are sexually promiscuous. We all get jealous, we all like to have good stuff. It's natural. Just don't expect to ever be like Mr. and Mrs. HomoSapien, flawless and perfect in their relationship.

Now let's review. The things that broke apart the foundation of relationship are:
1: Communication
2: Commodities
3: Sexual deviation
4: Pride
5: Greed
The strange thing is that 1-4 seem like they would be good things. and who knows maybe they are. They just never belonged in your relationship.

As you go about your daily grind, back to your flawed relationship. There are a few things you should remember. Soul Mates don't exist. God never said anything about it, no knowledgeable book says anything about it and there is no evidence to support it. Only thing you got for you is that there are at least 3 billion options out there. If one doesn't work out, 2,999,999,999 to go. Either way you take it, you got a lot working against you.

The Science of Girls Pt. 3- Girls in General...

This is the third installment of this series on girls. And I will begin with the same disclaimer as always: NOT ALL GIRLS ARE THE SAME, AND THIS IS NOT BY ANY MEANS, A COMPLETE GUIDE TO GETTING GIRLS (yet). Now in the first part I promised to cover how to get out of the friendzone. I WILL cover that in this blog. I will also tell you how to please a woman. YAY! Now some of you who know me will may say "But you're very inexperienced in that area, Sonata, how ever could you do that?" To which I may or may not say FUCK YOU I know what I'm talking about. But we'll get to that a little later. Now, as always this is especially targeted towards my more unattractive audience, but this particular installment in my series can be for anyone of any visual wealth status.
First, I will begin to talk about the general courtship of straight (or perhaps bisexual) American Girls, and how to please them. I have no idea how gay guys or girls work and am really not very interested in either. In my studies of each kind of girl, the many different brands, styles and types. I haven't seen them all but I've seen enough to say, most women never want the truth. In this situation I'm only saying most because I make it a point to not generalize every single woman in the world. But I say most and I expect you to place this label on every woman you see just in case. Women want the perfect man. As a gentlemen, you will most likely avoid the perfect woman or at least look for a woman's flaws to prove that she's not too good too be true. So when getting into a relationship it is very important to give her what she wants. Now some of you might wonder, "What do women want?" This is a good question, don't feel bad for not knowing after all this time. Not all women want the same thing, the only constant is that they want. They don't want you, they just want what you could be. In short, they want perfection. Now we all know that perfection doesn't exist, so how do you give someone something that doesn't exist? You don't, really. You lie. Lie just the right amount to get the job done... give them the world. You might lie about how good you are at something. In these rare (and in this situation, it really should be rare) cases, just do a little studying up on the subject. And make sure that the lie isn't too unbelievable.
Here's an example.
"I'm an astronaut." - TOO BIG
"I know an astronaut." -A little less.
"I've met an astronaut before." -Just right.
But lies like these are trivial and unimportant. What you need to lie about is far more important to the relationship. Lie about how you feel about her. Lie about how she looks. Lie about where she ranks in comparison to your old girlfriends when it comes to cooking, kissing, sex, whatever. She's always the best. Remember that.
Now there are rare occasions when you should be honest to her. Maybe you're down in the dumps and need a little support. Maybe her ass really is hanging out of her jeans. Maybe her stomach is too big for that halter top.
Now I'm not telling you to be a chronic liar. What I want you to do, Gollum, is to know when to lie.
Now for the part you've all been waiting for. HOW TO GET OUT OF THE FRIENDZONE. But first, for all of my readers (which may or may not be at a whopping 3 right about now) who don't know what the friendzone is, I will explain. The friendzone is where a person has feelings for another person, and that person has expressed only feelings of friendship back. Often One person asks the other out, and the other will reply, "I just don't see you that way." or "I just wanna be friends." or "I only see you as a friend." which may be accompanied by "Nothing more." A variation on this could be "You're like a brother to me." This is some of the worst rejection known to man.
Now the reason the friendzone is so dreaded is because despite other forms of rejection, you can't work your way out of it. All of your nice gestures and compliments only attribute to how good a friend you are. It's like quicksand. The more you struggle, the faster you go DOWN.
Now for the key out of this horrible place. ARE YOU READY? This was a secret told to me by my brother, John. Well the secret coveted by millions of guys is actually very simple but for some, very hard to do. For the girl or guy in question, you have to cut the ties. Stop communications. Give it a couple months, Maybe a year. Feel like thats a little extreme? Well you shouldn't have put yourself in that situation. Anyway. After a few months to a year, when you come back, you'll have a clean slate to work with. You should be set far enough back to where you have a mild advantage on other guys because of your history. But Even then, you have to be on your toes, because it's very easy for you to slip right on back into the friendzone. If she has a boyfriend or significant other already, it's best you fade your ass right back into the shadows, but just keep up with her. Don't be too far away so that you can't be back in time for a status update, like I said before, bad timing is your worst enemy...

The Science of Girls Pt. 2- Ugly girls

This is, obviously, a continuation from The Science of Girls Pt. 1. In this installment, I will talk about just two types of girls. But before I do that I have to always put this disclaimer: NO GIRL IS THE SAME AS THE REST OF THEM, AND THIS IS NOT A COMPLETE GUIDE TO GETTING GIRLS. Believe me friend. You'll be surprised. And once again this is mainly a little shout out to my ugly audience out there. Remember, being ugly is a duty. Fulfill it with honor.
Anyway, I have a lot of ground to cover in this blog so let's begin. I will first begin with going out with ugly girls. If she is for some reason, conceited, you probably want to avoid that situation. But if you must, then here's how I would suggest going about that situation. Since she's ugly, but still acts conceited, she'll probably act like you have no chance. Just ignore that, because you do. If you sincerely think you don't because she doesn't look that bad but she has a hell of a body on her, treat her like a pretty girl, and refer to Pt. 1 of this blog series for more details. For all those other ugly girls out there that aren't stuck up, or are really pretty girls in disguise, who you may or may not like, here's what you should probably do...
Be nice. Be you. Ugly girls don't think they own the world, so it's ok to be friendly and cool and not have to worry about the friendzone. But a lot of ugly girls are a little insecure (this could be with "ok-looking" girls too), so you can't be too nice or they get defensive, and will wonder about your true motives. So a little flattery is ok. And even though she might be ugly, compliment her with all sincerity. Except for when she asks if she's pretty. If you believe it, then you enjoy you beer-goggle honesty. But for the rest of the civilization that actually still has the gift of sight, you LIE. Lie your ass off. And do it the same way you did everything else. Make this one THE GREATEST LIE EVER. I want you to lie so hard you actually start to believe it. It's that simple. And once again, when you ask her out, it's up to you to decide. Timing is all in instinct. Unless one of her friends tells you you should, thats always a nice little break.
This next part is about girls with low self esteem. These, in my completely biased opinion, could be some of the greatest catches of all time. But they're some of the trickiest ones to get with. It's a delicate process. Here, the path to being her significant other is booby trapped with friendzone. The reason for this is that many people tread this ground to this treasure, and they all take the same route. Making them feel better. This is WRONG. Do not do this. It's just a road to being sidetracked by a failing venture. The route you must take is more straight forward than you think. In most cases, you have to ignore her when she goes into her funky moods. As soon as she says something to put herself down, tell her she's wrong and immediately change the subject. Keep this up, and she will stop going into her little moods around you. This is the most important thing. You have to reduce her sad time around you as much as possible without reducing time altogether. But you can't let her feel like she can't talk to you. When tears come into play, you have to hear her out. It's your job to help her through it. Now the other guys will be wasting their time while you're just racing home. It's more about being with them physically as much as possible. Put your "I want you" look in your eye. Give them that sly grin every once in a while. Small compliments are the ones that get you to your final destination here. Don't say anything too drastic before you've sealed the deal. And like always, timing is key here. Because depressed girls have a large need for friends and she won't hesitate to make you one. Like a friend told me, boyfriends and girlfriends come and go but friends last a lot longer than both.
And before I close out this segment, I would like to remind all of you idiots out there to CHECK HER BOYFRIEND STATUS ASAP. Not after you've already started, because thats a sure way into the friendzone my friend because you'll be there already and not even know it. Oh and I shouldn't have to say this but, please check her age. I know you think you can tell but believe me, these days, 12 year olds can end up with bigger boobs than your favorite pornstar...

The Science of: Girls Pt. 1- Pretty Girls

Well I'm going to put here, a portion of the knowledge I've learned about girls. When since about the 5th grade, I was a guy who was generally considered ugly by girls. I just shrugged it off really, with the thought, "if no one was ugly, then no one would be pretty, it's an important job." Plus, almost no one wants an ugly boyfriend/girlfriend [initially]. But I decided I wanted to learn about how girls worked. I know that not all girls are the same. Even if they're similar, or hang around the same crowd. This is not, by any means, a guide to getting girls. If it was, I would be swimming in women right now. But no. It's a tribute to all my ugly gentlemen out there. Remember, the same rules don't have to apply to every single girl you meet.
But this one is about the science of... pretty girls. Now this isn't about every single pretty girl you will ever meet, like I said before, it will not apply to every single girl ever. But for the most part, almost any pretty, or sexy girl that has come up in the public school system, for example, with have almost the same attitude. Somewhere along those lines, they realize that they look good. And in this day and age, you can't use the old "shy-guy" routine. No one cares. And in almost every single situation, she can get someone much better than you. For the most part of her life, she's been told how good she looks, and knows it by now. You have to be exactly what she's looking for.
First, She's looking for confidence. You have to be THE SHIT. She has no time to bring you up from your "I'm such a loser slump." Women hate that. They want a guy who is as much THE SHIT as they are. Even if you're ugly, confidence(not OVER-confidence) is the key. Take all the swag you can muster up, make sure you have enough for about three weeks.
Second, and most importantly, you have to know what kind of pretty, stuck-up whore, or pretty, selective young lady (for the politically correct)she is. Girls LOVE flattery. But most pretty stuck-up young ladies get it ALL THE TIME. So for this girl, instead of the simple walk up to her and tell her how pretty and sexy she is bit, you have to beat around the bush a little. Talk about other things for a minute. It's ok to call her sexy on rare occasions, maybe once a day. But too much, and you get slid into the group with the rest of the crowd who comment her pictures on myspace and comment her page. These guys are, a good chunk of the time, asses. You, my hideous friend, must take an alternative route. Because even if they're asses, they probably all look better than you. And on a level playing field, you stand no chance. On the other hand, you say too little things to flatter her, you get placed into the dreaded "FRIENDZONE." Yeah. She puts you in the friendzone, QUIT. It's over cowboy. Go ahead and right off into the sunset. ALONE. (There is actually a way out of the friendzone, but I'll discuss that in a later blog.)
Third, TAKE YOUR TIME DICKHEAD. Just because she's being nice to you and not running into the crowd of townsfolk yelling "LEPER" doesn't mean it's time to move in. I can't tell you when, but taking too long will have one of the two terrible outcomes above. But too soon she'll just reject you, then she'll friendzone you. Plain and simple. (This friendzone is worse than the first one but it's still possible to get out of.)It's a slippery slope my friend.
Fourth. For the 2-3% of you that actually made it too home base, congrats. Your job is definitely not over. Once you're in, you CANNOT be a goddamn LAME. This is the worst possible thing you could do, because if you mess this up, she'll probably never go out with an ugly guy again, and that non-lame guy who's face just so happened to look like a tragic car accident gets automatic FRIENDZONE right up to bat. And that's pretty messed up. So here's a couple tips. NOW is the time to start complimenting her. She'll listen to you now. Your opinion actually matters. Don't be obsessive, you got her it's over but if you don't want her, then that's a perfect way to get rid of her. But don't be too distant or she'll cheat on you. Point blank.

Now remember that no one girl is the same as the rest, neither does one group even have the same personalities in it. Some pretty girls really don't go off looks. (completely). So just be you and see how it goes.

But REMEMBER. Never leave the house without your own rendition of SWAG.